[ So LILITH most likely made the same decision for all of them, and Malkuth has tried to find a way to circumvent it. "Ellie" is different enough without erasing Elijah, different enough to let Malkuth maintain her perspective. ]
I can't say that I especially welcome the notion of being addressed as Gabriel, either.
[ That is, these names no longer really theirs provide labels to affix to the past, and there are things that he would prefer to keep ordered according to the corresponding categories. Are there alternatives, however? ]
We may remember our first lives now, but we are not who we were then.
[ Which is for the best, knowing what became of their past selves, and it's disconcerting to lose one means of drawing their own distinction between each set of memories. Yesod shakes his head. ]
In your case, it seems to me that you're living your own life while honoring Elijah's memory.
I'm trying to, anyway. But I've had to use a lot of her memories and past as my own lately, so I feel bad. Especially with those other City guys.
[ the people they have to watch out for... easier to talk about it like it's all one thing than separate instances. netzach can be gio, she's ellie, and... hmm.... a nickname doesn't really suit yesod, though... but calling him gabriel isn't something he wants, and it isn't something she's really comfortable with either... and wings forbid she go back to viper, even if it seems LILITH might've liked that for his username too... besides, he's less like a viper these days and more like a garter or garden snake as far as temperament goes...
she thinks these thoughts as the rungs sway above them, in serious contemplation, as she kicks her feet. ]
... Gio might be the worst case scenario, but at least his name's easy to make something out of... Gabe? Gabby? Riley? I don't really know anyone who's good at nicknames though, so I can't ask them.
[ Yes, he has to agree with Malkuth — he doubts that anyone ever shortened Gabriel in the past, and he might be a poor fit for nicknames that aren't the result of his reputation among their employees. That leaves accepting the use of his first incarnation's name as the only option, as strange as it is. Little does he know that March almost called him an eggplant once. ]
Unless I follow March's example, the choices are limited. That said, it's unlikely that others will ask me to discuss myself in detail.
[ March knew of their unique circumstances through Malkuth, but she didn't press for more, and Yesod can't see himself growing so close to others that their conversations would dredge up everything beneath the surface. ]
...Ellie...
[ He tests it out in preparation and to gauge Malkuth's reaction. ]
You've entrusted your friends with the truth, haven't you?
[ ellie... it's almost so ridiculous to hear yesod call her anything but malkuth that it catches her off guard, laughing a little at herself. oh boy. maybe she should get march to call her that too, so it doesn't sound so strange... though it might always be from him and netzach, if he complies. ]
I have, for... the most part.
[ there's still things she hasn't told them. in greater detail or at all, but there's just-- so much, and they're her new friends, and what if they don't accept it? even though they've made it plain they would hear her out, whether directly saying so or in the way they act, what if...
... she doesn't want to be alone. she hasn't grown that much, really. ]
March doesn't know all of what happened to us, but she knows that we were coworkers together in our first and following lives. I've spoken a bit about the Library to her and another friend of mine -- Kaito, he's trustworthy -- and the bare minimum about our second lives to both. More from my perspective of things than... well, what Abnormalities are and what we sacrificed for them. They know I was someone who killed others easily if they weren't strong enough to be part of my team.
[ there's other off-handed comments she's made here and there about things to others, drunken talks she'll wish she could recall, but. the bulk of her trust lies in two people. ]
They both know about the two of you, too, so feel free to let down your hair around them. Figuratively.
[ Yesod feels ridiculous himself — even if "Ellie" suits Malkuth more than "Gabe" or other nicknames to that effect would ever suit him, it sounds unnatural to address each other as anything but the names that they were given as Sephirot. This existence has claimed the foreground. The Library will continue it.
But once again, what choice do they have? Perhaps it will become less jarring with time. Perhaps all of LILITH's decisions will, or remnants of points in time that should already have passed will serve their purpose here and vanish after that. ]
Yes, March had a few questions for me. Consequently, I revealed my current form to her, and I've told her that you and I are both unaware of the details of Netzach's sealed memories after a certain point.
[ Yesod falls silent, reminded of March's concern for them — and her eagerness to capture their past, present, and future with her camera. ]
that's good. she's glad. the words don't come out, too drenched in the relief she feels at both march keeping her word about not saying anything and yesod being able to relax his guard just a bit. maybe she really was worried for nothing-- or maybe she has reason for that worry, and her precaution has done well in dealing with it.
time will tell, she guesses. as she keeps an eye on them from afar. ]
She's a sweet girl, huh? What you see is really what you get.
[ Yesod's answer comes after a moment's thought, not because he necessarily disagrees with Malkuth's description of March, but because it still strikes him as difficult to believe that March is entirely unperturbed by her amnesia. In other respects, "what you see is really what you get" seems to be an accurate conclusion; March's kindness is sincere. ]
It's good that you were able to confide in her and Kaito.
[ Regardless of how inadvisable he considered it in an environment such as Lobotomy Corporation, the desire to connect with others and alleviate one's loneliness is a normal human wish. Malkuth, for all that her past willingness to conform to that place may have made her the ideal Sephirah in her role, is no exception. ]
[ though malkuth herself is by far more open now than even when she first met roland, she knows. less formal. she has him to thank for a good bit... one day. maybe.
but the next stop is theirs, so she stands and pulls yesod up by his wrist with little thought just to make sure they don't get separated in the crowd that comes with them. she'll let go outside of the shuttle don't worry. ]
Right! So! We are going to a secondhand store! One man's trash is another man's treasure! Or so I've read. It's right below a record store too... though they're mostly just for display I think, since technology's really blown it out of the water. Oh, and I saw there was a place that sells some pretty glass stuff around there too, we can go by and check it out too. Maybe they'll be offering classes on blowing! Wouldn't that be fun?
[ glass blowing... that could be fun... and dangerous... but fun... what could she make with molten glass... ]
[ The contact is less foreign than it was before meeting March — at least, even outside of that infiltration mission and its requirements, March has seized Yesod's wrist to tug him along much like Malkuth does now, and so it only gives him pause because this is Malkuth's flesh-and-blood hand wrapped around his sleeve. He wonders whether his arm currently feels like a human arm to her, whether she feels more at ease today, as she might around her colleagues in the Library. He doesn't pull away, falling into step with Malkuth to exit the train. ]
...Glass blowing?
[ Malkuth's enthusiasm seems genuine, as if she's confident that everything that she has read will prove as fun as it sounds, yielding treasure in the form of fascinating objects and experiences. Colorful things.
But I guess that's how they make vases and stuff, huh? So maybe something like that for flowers... A couple of people I know really like them -- more the growing than anything though -- so it'd make for a nice gift, don't you think?
[ ...
maybe she is feel a little more comfortable, naturally, despite her best efforts to maintain a certain distance. as long as she doesn't look at the differences between his cloaking device from the appearance she knows, he really is... just the same, of course, yesod is always yesod, and malkuth is always malkuth. she can't help but be friendly and chatty. mm. maybe it isn't too bad, maybe she could... no, no. ]
[ Bubbles... Though that remark meets with a raised brow, too, Yesod's gaze is attentive, curious, resting on Malkuth. A conversation like this is rather new, after all. All of it so far has been something very different to experience, compared to their exchanges as they performed their duties.
He does remember how it felt to enjoy a friend's company — this is reminiscent of that brief time. ]
You seem to be quite creative. I would be interested in witnessing the process, and I imagine that your friends would recognize the thought in such gifts.
Not really. I usually have to look at references and others' ideas to get one of my own to build off of, and I'm not good with the abstract like Netzach is... I'm better with more structured things with lines that make sense, though I always liked to peek in when he chose to paint over sleep or drink.
[ drawn by colors, naturally. would netzach here see the fun in painting? should she offer it? it might be nothing but a chore, left untouched, but maybe he'd just try it once and find something he likes. ]
I do want to make things for people, though. It's a good reason to try new hobbies with a goal like that.
[ It seems that in the Library, Netzach's habits are largely unchanged (because their duties remain distasteful?), with the exception of his artistic hobby. What he paints, whether it indicates interests of his own that he develops in the future or something of Giovanni's reawakened — these are new questions.
And if Malkuth enjoyed visiting Netzach to watch him paint, colors taking shape across the canvas, the absence of such moments must be difficult here as well. ]
My experience would most likely be similar to yours.
[ Guided by structure, logic, practical applications. ]
Nevertheless, finding inspiration through external sources doesn't diminish the ways in which your ideas will lead to unique results.
[ yeah. it's too bad that she won't be able to peek in on him here, with the doors far too noticeable compared to the open stairwells she liked to climb, to hide behind the wall of and watch her coworkers -- her friends -- do what interested them most, trying to find the fun in it by observation. maybe she can join a book club someday...
... for want of a book, though... ]
The same goes for you, Yesod, so I'm really looking forward to see what those grippers of yours might create in the long run! If you give it a shot, I mean. You don't have to force yourself to try anything that doesn't sound interesting to you.
[ ... and like that, the most careful of social steps back so it doesn't seem like she's making him feel obliged to do something with her or suggested by her. malkuth's eyes light up, literally, as she scours the map to make sure they're still on the right track, pausing a moment to turn down an alley. ]
This looks like a shortcut, but mind your step! I'm one to talk though, huh?
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no subject
I can't say that I especially welcome the notion of being addressed as Gabriel, either.
[ That is, these names no longer really theirs provide labels to affix to the past, and there are things that he would prefer to keep ordered according to the corresponding categories. Are there alternatives, however? ]
We may remember our first lives now, but we are not who we were then.
[ Which is for the best, knowing what became of their past selves, and it's disconcerting to lose one means of drawing their own distinction between each set of memories. Yesod shakes his head. ]
In your case, it seems to me that you're living your own life while honoring Elijah's memory.
no subject
[ the people they have to watch out for... easier to talk about it like it's all one thing than separate instances. netzach can be gio, she's ellie, and... hmm.... a nickname doesn't really suit yesod, though... but calling him gabriel isn't something he wants, and it isn't something she's really comfortable with either... and wings forbid she go back to viper, even if it seems LILITH might've liked that for his username too... besides, he's less like a viper these days and more like a garter or garden snake as far as temperament goes...
she thinks these thoughts as the rungs sway above them, in serious contemplation, as she kicks her feet. ]
... Gio might be the worst case scenario, but at least his name's easy to make something out of... Gabe? Gabby? Riley? I don't really know anyone who's good at nicknames though, so I can't ask them.
[ but by the wings is she trying. ]
no subject
Little does he know that March almost called him an eggplant once.]Unless I follow March's example, the choices are limited. That said, it's unlikely that others will ask me to discuss myself in detail.
[ March knew of their unique circumstances through Malkuth, but she didn't press for more, and Yesod can't see himself growing so close to others that their conversations would dredge up everything beneath the surface. ]
...Ellie...
[ He tests it out in preparation and to gauge Malkuth's reaction. ]
You've entrusted your friends with the truth, haven't you?
no subject
I have, for... the most part.
[ there's still things she hasn't told them. in greater detail or at all, but there's just-- so much, and they're her new friends, and what if they don't accept it? even though they've made it plain they would hear her out, whether directly saying so or in the way they act, what if...
... she doesn't want to be alone. she hasn't grown that much, really. ]
March doesn't know all of what happened to us, but she knows that we were coworkers together in our first and following lives. I've spoken a bit about the Library to her and another friend of mine -- Kaito, he's trustworthy -- and the bare minimum about our second lives to both. More from my perspective of things than... well, what Abnormalities are and what we sacrificed for them. They know I was someone who killed others easily if they weren't strong enough to be part of my team.
[ there's other off-handed comments she's made here and there about things to others, drunken talks she'll wish she could recall, but. the bulk of her trust lies in two people. ]
They both know about the two of you, too, so feel free to let down your hair around them. Figuratively.
no subject
But once again, what choice do they have? Perhaps it will become less jarring with time. Perhaps all of LILITH's decisions will, or remnants of points in time that should already have passed will serve their purpose here and vanish after that. ]
Yes, March had a few questions for me. Consequently, I revealed my current form to her, and I've told her that you and I are both unaware of the details of Netzach's sealed memories after a certain point.
[ Yesod falls silent, reminded of March's concern for them — and her eagerness to capture their past, present, and future with her camera. ]
no subject
that's good. she's glad. the words don't come out, too drenched in the relief she feels at both march keeping her word about not saying anything and yesod being able to relax his guard just a bit. maybe she really was worried for nothing-- or maybe she has reason for that worry, and her precaution has done well in dealing with it.
time will tell, she guesses. as she keeps an eye on them from afar. ]
She's a sweet girl, huh? What you see is really what you get.
no subject
[ Yesod's answer comes after a moment's thought, not because he necessarily disagrees with Malkuth's description of March, but because it still strikes him as difficult to believe that March is entirely unperturbed by her amnesia. In other respects, "what you see is really what you get" seems to be an accurate conclusion; March's kindness is sincere. ]
It's good that you were able to confide in her and Kaito.
[ Regardless of how inadvisable he considered it in an environment such as Lobotomy Corporation, the desire to connect with others and alleviate one's loneliness is a normal human wish. Malkuth, for all that her past willingness to conform to that place may have made her the ideal Sephirah in her role, is no exception. ]
no subject
[ though malkuth herself is by far more open now than even when she first met roland, she knows. less formal. she has him to thank for a good bit... one day. maybe.
but the next stop is theirs, so she stands and pulls yesod up by his wrist with little thought just to make sure they don't get separated in the crowd that comes with them. she'll let go outside of the shuttle don't worry. ]
Right! So! We are going to a secondhand store! One man's trash is another man's treasure! Or so I've read. It's right below a record store too... though they're mostly just for display I think, since technology's really blown it out of the water. Oh, and I saw there was a place that sells some pretty glass stuff around there too, we can go by and check it out too. Maybe they'll be offering classes on blowing! Wouldn't that be fun?
[ glass blowing... that could be fun... and dangerous... but fun... what could she make with molten glass... ]
no subject
...Glass blowing?
[ Malkuth's enthusiasm seems genuine, as if she's confident that everything that she has read will prove as fun as it sounds, yielding treasure in the form of fascinating objects and experiences. Colorful things.
It would be pleasant to be a part of that. ]
What would you like to make?
no subject
[ colorful bubbles... ]
But I guess that's how they make vases and stuff, huh? So maybe something like that for flowers... A couple of people I know really like them -- more the growing than anything though -- so it'd make for a nice gift, don't you think?
[ ...
maybe she is feel a little more comfortable, naturally, despite her best efforts to maintain a certain distance. as long as she doesn't look at the differences between his cloaking device from the appearance she knows, he really is... just the same, of course, yesod is always yesod, and malkuth is always malkuth. she can't help but be friendly and chatty. mm. maybe it isn't too bad, maybe she could... no, no. ]
no subject
He does remember how it felt to enjoy a friend's company — this is reminiscent of that brief time. ]
You seem to be quite creative. I would be interested in witnessing the process, and I imagine that your friends would recognize the thought in such gifts.
no subject
[ drawn by colors, naturally. would netzach here see the fun in painting? should she offer it? it might be nothing but a chore, left untouched, but maybe he'd just try it once and find something he likes. ]
I do want to make things for people, though. It's a good reason to try new hobbies with a goal like that.
no subject
And if Malkuth enjoyed visiting Netzach to watch him paint, colors taking shape across the canvas, the absence of such moments must be difficult here as well. ]
My experience would most likely be similar to yours.
[ Guided by structure, logic, practical applications. ]
Nevertheless, finding inspiration through external sources doesn't diminish the ways in which your ideas will lead to unique results.
no subject
... for want of a book, though... ]
The same goes for you, Yesod, so I'm really looking forward to see what those grippers of yours might create in the long run! If you give it a shot, I mean. You don't have to force yourself to try anything that doesn't sound interesting to you.
[ ... and like that, the most careful of social steps back so it doesn't seem like she's making him feel obliged to do something with her or suggested by her. malkuth's eyes light up, literally, as she scours the map to make sure they're still on the right track, pausing a moment to turn down an alley. ]
This looks like a shortcut, but mind your step! I'm one to talk though, huh?