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[ ... whew.
okay. she did say she would still be in contact, if just in private, and... she wouldn't be avoiding them, it's just. it's fine, this is different than the Library and it's different than L. Corp and. there is so much to do here, even if he can't enjoy some of it. malkuth is going to be considerate to that. ]
Hi Yesod! (*＾▽＾)／
How are you settling in? Has anyone given you any trouble? (ง •̀_•́)ง ! Just say the word and I'll give them a stern talking to!
[ ... was that okay? that's fine, isn't it? she's really too used to the more relaxed atmosphere the Library offers, but she doesn't want to be too cold either... ]
Do you wanna meet up? There's stuff you'll miss out on because of your body, but I still want to find things we can do together.
[ hopefully... this doesn't come off too awkwardly, or nervously, or anything else she's feeling. ]
okay. she did say she would still be in contact, if just in private, and... she wouldn't be avoiding them, it's just. it's fine, this is different than the Library and it's different than L. Corp and. there is so much to do here, even if he can't enjoy some of it. malkuth is going to be considerate to that. ]
Hi Yesod! (*＾▽＾)／
How are you settling in? Has anyone given you any trouble? (ง •̀_•́)ง ! Just say the word and I'll give them a stern talking to!
[ ... was that okay? that's fine, isn't it? she's really too used to the more relaxed atmosphere the Library offers, but she doesn't want to be too cold either... ]
Do you wanna meet up? There's stuff you'll miss out on because of your body, but I still want to find things we can do together.
[ hopefully... this doesn't come off too awkwardly, or nervously, or anything else she's feeling. ]
[ Has Malkuth been concerned about him and Netzach because of what she mentioned when they first spoke here? Yesod pictures the faces accompanying her message — first in a form that comes to mind more easily, even now, though his memories bleed together, and then corrected to match the current reality.
She's taking her plans to protect them quite seriously, then, but she hasn't taken it too far, it seems. ]
Greetings, Malkuth. I have no complaints at the moment, aside from a few boxes of chocolate that will go to waste.
I must admit that I didn't expect your invitation.
[ Not only because of the precautions that Malkuth has proposed, but because of the gap between his last memory of their world and hers, for one. Still, it isn't something unwelcome. ]
Where do you suggest that we meet?
She's taking her plans to protect them quite seriously, then, but she hasn't taken it too far, it seems. ]
Greetings, Malkuth. I have no complaints at the moment, aside from a few boxes of chocolate that will go to waste.
I must admit that I didn't expect your invitation.
[ Not only because of the precautions that Malkuth has proposed, but because of the gap between his last memory of their world and hers, for one. Still, it isn't something unwelcome. ]
Where do you suggest that we meet?
[ haha...... ever impatient, ever concerned with others, it really had taken two people to grab her arm and go "this isn't okay". ]
We could... meet at the train station nearby?
It's far enough away that we shouldn't arouse any suspicion! [ ... this really isn't fair, is it. ] And the trains offer a lot of spots to go anyway. I'll bring my camera and we can make a day of it!
[ -- ah ]
Or however long you wanna spend out! It could just be for a few hours or less, I don't really care one way or the other.
[ nailed it. yeah. the three step plan does not work with people you already know. ]
We could... meet at the train station nearby?
It's far enough away that we shouldn't arouse any suspicion! [ ... this really isn't fair, is it. ] And the trains offer a lot of spots to go anyway. I'll bring my camera and we can make a day of it!
[ -- ah ]
Or however long you wanna spend out! It could just be for a few hours or less, I don't really care one way or the other.
[ nailed it. yeah. the three step plan does not work with people you already know. ]
[ He's rather tired of inflicting pain on others and feeling it himself, and he can't help but wonder whether Malkuth will be disappointed, facing constant reminders of an odd situation, if she has grown accustomed to interacting with her colleagues as friends, in the future. Right now, it's as if she simultaneously wants to maintain some distance between herself and them, holding back, while cautiously reaching out nonetheless. ]
It's sensible to familiarize ourselves with this city as much as we can, outside of our missions.
[ The weeks so far have been busy, filled with a considerable range of tasks, but as Rodion said, the kaiju attacks aren't a daily occurrence, at least. ]
I don't foresee any complications. I'll join you at the train station soon, then.
It's sensible to familiarize ourselves with this city as much as we can, outside of our missions.
[ The weeks so far have been busy, filled with a considerable range of tasks, but as Rodion said, the kaiju attacks aren't a daily occurrence, at least. ]
I don't foresee any complications. I'll join you at the train station soon, then.
(*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑
[ it's still such a quiet comfort that his words read the same as ever, sound the same as ever, even with that metallic tint to them that she knows more in memory than anything else. but there's no use pretending he's something he's not though, easy as it would be over text alone, and malkuth hangs the camera around her neck with a sigh.
don't be too casual. but don't be too distant either -- she'd more or less promised both march and kaito that she wouldn't stay as a bystander, and... as hard as that promise feels to keep, she knows it's her own hesitation than anything else. yesod's still feeling the sting of a past life that hasn't yet settled into nostalgic memory, still fresh from the painful deal angela had set before them. there's only so much she can say or do to ease either, and it's not like she knew how anyone after elijah ended up anyway; she knows they all died, some more open about it than others, but that's it.
still, still. she does want to be friends with them. it may not be the same, and she might fumble in her attempts to not be so friendly towards people who haven't experienced the same moments of mutual downtime, help, and so on, but... she does want to be there for them, and above all else they are people she cares deeply for.
they're her friends. no matter what form, what time, that remains a truth stamped on her heart. ]
And that's why it's so hard...
[ a final farewell to the comfort and safety of her room, heading out to wait at the front of the station for the other. enjoy her duck sweater she's feeling real yellow today. ]
[ it's still such a quiet comfort that his words read the same as ever, sound the same as ever, even with that metallic tint to them that she knows more in memory than anything else. but there's no use pretending he's something he's not though, easy as it would be over text alone, and malkuth hangs the camera around her neck with a sigh.
don't be too casual. but don't be too distant either -- she'd more or less promised both march and kaito that she wouldn't stay as a bystander, and... as hard as that promise feels to keep, she knows it's her own hesitation than anything else. yesod's still feeling the sting of a past life that hasn't yet settled into nostalgic memory, still fresh from the painful deal angela had set before them. there's only so much she can say or do to ease either, and it's not like she knew how anyone after elijah ended up anyway; she knows they all died, some more open about it than others, but that's it.
still, still. she does want to be friends with them. it may not be the same, and she might fumble in her attempts to not be so friendly towards people who haven't experienced the same moments of mutual downtime, help, and so on, but... she does want to be there for them, and above all else they are people she cares deeply for.
they're her friends. no matter what form, what time, that remains a truth stamped on her heart. ]
And that's why it's so hard...
[ a final farewell to the comfort and safety of her room, heading out to wait at the front of the station for the other. enjoy her duck sweater she's feeling real yellow today. ]
[ If the option exists to make use of their future versions, who all have combat experience in addition to their memories and expanded knowledge, by the sound of it, what led LILITH to choose differently? The improved rapport between them would be an advantage as well, one would think. The question lingers in Yesod's thoughts. He means to pursue it.
For now, he tries to place it aside, focusing on the need to adapt to the day's unexpected plans. There isn't much else that he can do in terms of preparations, without a clearer idea of what Malkuth has in mind. She seems reasonably more familiar with Neo Tokyo than he is, at any rate, and he won't deny that he's curious to discover what other locations are accessed by taking the train.
Upon reaching the station, approaching Malkuth there, Yesod inevitably notes her outfit — specifically the sweater, presumably not a LILITH-issued item. Studying it for a moment, he frowns a little, reminded faintly of something that he can't explain at first, far away as it is. Did Malkuth use a yellow pen, in another time and place? Its upper end had a beak. ]
...Are you fond of ducks, Malkuth?
[ What happened to that pen? ]
For now, he tries to place it aside, focusing on the need to adapt to the day's unexpected plans. There isn't much else that he can do in terms of preparations, without a clearer idea of what Malkuth has in mind. She seems reasonably more familiar with Neo Tokyo than he is, at any rate, and he won't deny that he's curious to discover what other locations are accessed by taking the train.
Upon reaching the station, approaching Malkuth there, Yesod inevitably notes her outfit — specifically the sweater, presumably not a LILITH-issued item. Studying it for a moment, he frowns a little, reminded faintly of something that he can't explain at first, far away as it is. Did Malkuth use a yellow pen, in another time and place? Its upper end had a beak. ]
...Are you fond of ducks, Malkuth?
[ What happened to that pen? ]
[ what happened to greeting people normally, my guy. it's only by virtue that she'd been looking for him that she doesn't startle, though her hand plays with the hem of her sleeve idly. ]
I am! They're so cute, don't you think? I was called duckish recently by someone too, though he meant it as an insult.
[ her memory of that afternoon also ends at a certain point but that's fine surely nothing embarrassing happened. ]
I wonder if Neo Tokyo has anywhere they still land... it'd be nice to see them in person rather than in books or my memories.
[ hm... she'll have to do more research herself. ]
I am! They're so cute, don't you think? I was called duckish recently by someone too, though he meant it as an insult.
[ her memory of that afternoon also ends at a certain point but that's fine surely nothing embarrassing happened. ]
I wonder if Neo Tokyo has anywhere they still land... it'd be nice to see them in person rather than in books or my memories.
[ hm... she'll have to do more research herself. ]
[ It crosses Yesod's mind belatedly that he has neglected to greet Malkuth in person, caught off-guard by the memory of a pen, of all things. He's no longer eyeing the sweater as if to scrutinize it, if nothing else, though he continues to frown in contemplation as he meets Malkuth's gaze instead.
There are several things to address, one by one. ]
If they can be found here, we should be able to stay on the lookout for them.
[ Yesod glances at Malkuth's camera — he thinks of the wall of photographs in March's room — before giving the rest of Malkuth's remarks some consideration. "Duckish" as a negative descriptor... ]
...I presume that the person who insulted you doesn't find ducks cute.
There are several things to address, one by one. ]
If they can be found here, we should be able to stay on the lookout for them.
[ Yesod glances at Malkuth's camera — he thinks of the wall of photographs in March's room — before giving the rest of Malkuth's remarks some consideration. "Duckish" as a negative descriptor... ]
...I presume that the person who insulted you doesn't find ducks cute.
What was it he said...? That I look nice and chipper on the surface, but I'm paddling like hell under the water.
[ that she remembers. it sure sounds like her in another life, but maybe that's part of why she'd wanted to turn it around so much into something positive.
elijah didn't deserve to be scorned by someone who'd never met her. she was trying her best, too.
malkuth gestures for him to follow, paying for their tickets with a swipe of her wrist and peering at a map. maybe shopping... but there's more ads there than anywhere else. maybe it'll be okay if they go to a more out of the way area there. ]
I told him that ducks have a special kind of oil in their feathers that lets water roll off their back, so that's why they can escape it where other birds can't. But he didn't say if he found them cute or not.
[ maybe she should ask him. next time. ]
[ that she remembers. it sure sounds like her in another life, but maybe that's part of why she'd wanted to turn it around so much into something positive.
elijah didn't deserve to be scorned by someone who'd never met her. she was trying her best, too.
malkuth gestures for him to follow, paying for their tickets with a swipe of her wrist and peering at a map. maybe shopping... but there's more ads there than anywhere else. maybe it'll be okay if they go to a more out of the way area there. ]
I told him that ducks have a special kind of oil in their feathers that lets water roll off their back, so that's why they can escape it where other birds can't. But he didn't say if he found them cute or not.
[ maybe she should ask him. next time. ]
[ He makes a mental note to return the favor and cover their train fare on the way back, watching Malkuth's movements. Though he scans the map as Malkuth does, he's mulling over her words, still on the subject of ducks and the apt comparison that they make, even if what might have been an uncomfortable observation was meant as an insult. It isn't inaccurate, he thinks — on the surface, Malkuth was usually nice and chipper indeed, no matter what she uttered in her bright tone, what kind of situation was the topic to discuss. What lay beneath the surface, however, while she paddled and paddled to stay afloat in her own way? He can't imagine that it wasn't there, latent and building up, like his own stifled emotions.
It describes Elijah, too, who seemed incapable of stillness, ever accompanied by the sound of her pen scratching away on page after page of paper. Maybe that pen was discarded with everything else that didn't land in storage. ]
Instead of the contrast that he perceives, you associate ducks with resilience, in other words, though their appearance might cause people to underestimate them.
[ That also seems fitting. But then, Malkuth has changed, he thinks again. ]
What exactly led to that conversation?
It describes Elijah, too, who seemed incapable of stillness, ever accompanied by the sound of her pen scratching away on page after page of paper. Maybe that pen was discarded with everything else that didn't land in storage. ]
Instead of the contrast that he perceives, you associate ducks with resilience, in other words, though their appearance might cause people to underestimate them.
[ That also seems fitting. But then, Malkuth has changed, he thinks again. ]
What exactly led to that conversation?
[ ... what had... oh... she's very much interested in the map. it was unthinkable that she'd ever partake in something that would hinder her mental facilities back in L Corp, of course, especially after seeing what enkephalin did to netzach, but the library... here... was different, and she's a little sheepish as she continues. ]
Well... sort of weirdly, birthdays? Kind of? We talked about a lot of stuff while we drank together, [ don't judge her, ] and it came around that I don't really remember by birthday -- since we don't really have one, though I feel like Elijah's was sometime around now -- and he asked why I didn't just make one up.
That reminded me of March, who had sort of chosen her own birthday since she didn't remember it either, and he said we were similar. So that's where the duck thing came from.
[ a class is too expensive right now, though maybe she'll take him to pottery sometime. even he should be able to work clay with his little grippers, she thinks. but an out of the way shop really might be best, so one in a residential district... ]
Well... sort of weirdly, birthdays? Kind of? We talked about a lot of stuff while we drank together, [ don't judge her, ] and it came around that I don't really remember by birthday -- since we don't really have one, though I feel like Elijah's was sometime around now -- and he asked why I didn't just make one up.
That reminded me of March, who had sort of chosen her own birthday since she didn't remember it either, and he said we were similar. So that's where the duck thing came from.
[ a class is too expensive right now, though maybe she'll take him to pottery sometime. even he should be able to work clay with his little grippers, she thinks. but an out of the way shop really might be best, so one in a residential district... ]
[ The cloaking device lets Yesod judge very visibly, brow furrowing, if only because the consumption of alcohol and the like calls to mind nothing but negative consequences, such as a loss of control and various detrimental effects on the individual's cognitive functions. Nevertheless, he relents before long, considering the context. The other party, despite his opinion of Malkuth, must be relatively friendly with her, if they chose to drink socially together and converse at length, even turning toward personal subjects. Malkuth clearly appreciates meeting new people and discovering new experiences here, besides, now that she has the opportunity.
There is no harm in that. And if she has some recollection of Elijah's birthday, if it would have taken place around this time of year... Yesod's expression turns thoughtful. ]
I agree that you and March appear to share some similarities. That may include duck-like traits.
[ The positive ones that Malkuth has identified, even. ]
...Are you considering acknowledging Elijah's birthday?
There is no harm in that. And if she has some recollection of Elijah's birthday, if it would have taken place around this time of year... Yesod's expression turns thoughtful. ]
I agree that you and March appear to share some similarities. That may include duck-like traits.
[ The positive ones that Malkuth has identified, even. ]
...Are you considering acknowledging Elijah's birthday?
... When you start to have time to think about the lives we had back then, you start to think of them as an old friend you lost touch with. At least, I do.
[ there's a point to this, and she decides on their destination after a moment. a gesture to follow along to the train they need to board. her voice comes out a little quiet, sentimental in a grieving way, though her eyes remain forward and her smile small and present. ]
There's as many things that I remember as there are ones I don't. I don't know what day she was born, but I know it was around this time of year. She looked forward to it more when she was young and could get away with a bit more color in her life. But as she got older, things changed. There were tests to study for, homework to be done, grades to improve -- she was an average student, an average person, living an average life. I don't think... she celebrated her birthday even for herself by the end of it.
How can I not acknowledge it? Not celebrate it? When I don't even know if there's anyone out there who'll do it now that time's moved on? I don't... feel like her, but she's still part of me. A pretty big part, too.
[ ducks and nervous notes. a want to see a bright future, and the cheer to match. loving to try new things and see what comes of it. malkuth knows that there's so much of her based on that blueprint of a young woman who no longer lives, who may not even exist in the City's records with how eager they are to forget, and that she's grown into someone of her own.
maybe elijah would've turned out like her too. maybe not. it's a future neither of them will ever know, but it's one she thinks about with her free time and stolen name.
her cheer reappears, clapping her hands together with some finality. ]
I'll just choose a day and that'll have to be good enough for the both of us!
[ there's a point to this, and she decides on their destination after a moment. a gesture to follow along to the train they need to board. her voice comes out a little quiet, sentimental in a grieving way, though her eyes remain forward and her smile small and present. ]
There's as many things that I remember as there are ones I don't. I don't know what day she was born, but I know it was around this time of year. She looked forward to it more when she was young and could get away with a bit more color in her life. But as she got older, things changed. There were tests to study for, homework to be done, grades to improve -- she was an average student, an average person, living an average life. I don't think... she celebrated her birthday even for herself by the end of it.
How can I not acknowledge it? Not celebrate it? When I don't even know if there's anyone out there who'll do it now that time's moved on? I don't... feel like her, but she's still part of me. A pretty big part, too.
[ ducks and nervous notes. a want to see a bright future, and the cheer to match. loving to try new things and see what comes of it. malkuth knows that there's so much of her based on that blueprint of a young woman who no longer lives, who may not even exist in the City's records with how eager they are to forget, and that she's grown into someone of her own.
maybe elijah would've turned out like her too. maybe not. it's a future neither of them will ever know, but it's one she thinks about with her free time and stolen name.
her cheer reappears, clapping her hands together with some finality. ]
I'll just choose a day and that'll have to be good enough for the both of us!
Edited (forgot a sentence) 2024-03-26 03:17 (UTC)
[ This is an unfamiliar tone of voice, from Malkuth, as she speaks of Elijah. It's softer, tinged with the rueful sort of fondness that nostalgic moments might evoke, as if she is reminiscing to remember an old friend, not her own past life. Yesod listens while they make for their train, quiet, taking in Malkuth's smile. Her memories of that distant time, the span of Elijah's life before it ended, may be incomplete, perhaps more left to recall little by little, but what she recounts tells him things that he certainly didn't know.
They were all so focused on the results slipping further and further out of reach.
It changes nothing to regret it in another life, to wonder whether anything would have taken a different course, had their research team been close-knit, friends as well as colleagues. He was far from someone even remotely like Carmen or Daniel, and it's possible that the others believed that he disliked them — no doubt they thought him heartless in the wake of tragedy after tragedy, initially, and then too fragile, pathetic after all.
Unlike Malkuth, Yesod realizes, he can't quite refer to Gabriel as a separate person. I haven't been outside since I became like this, he'd said, though his current existence comes with its own memories, fencing off his first life as a closed chapter of the past. It consisted of an ordinary Nest resident's days, and the solitude of connecting with none of his peers there, the suffocation, until he left the City proper behind. Beyond that, it feels somewhat like remembering increasingly unpleasant dreams that end in blurred fragments of distress.
It's out of place in this conversation, and he tucks it out of sight. Maybe they would all celebrate occasions to commemorate together, in the Library.
He attempts a smile in turn, at the very least, when Malkuth brightens — never mind that he has no way of knowing whether he feels significantly more inclined to smile in the future, with a human body that possesses facial muscles to put to use for that purpose. Today won't change the past, no, but he can make it his contribution to Malkuth's goal. ]
That seems reasonable.
[ To choose a day that belongs to Malkuth as much as it will acknowledge that Elijah remains a part of her soul. ]
Then it won't go forgotten, this time.
They were all so focused on the results slipping further and further out of reach.
It changes nothing to regret it in another life, to wonder whether anything would have taken a different course, had their research team been close-knit, friends as well as colleagues. He was far from someone even remotely like Carmen or Daniel, and it's possible that the others believed that he disliked them — no doubt they thought him heartless in the wake of tragedy after tragedy, initially, and then too fragile, pathetic after all.
Unlike Malkuth, Yesod realizes, he can't quite refer to Gabriel as a separate person. I haven't been outside since I became like this, he'd said, though his current existence comes with its own memories, fencing off his first life as a closed chapter of the past. It consisted of an ordinary Nest resident's days, and the solitude of connecting with none of his peers there, the suffocation, until he left the City proper behind. Beyond that, it feels somewhat like remembering increasingly unpleasant dreams that end in blurred fragments of distress.
It's out of place in this conversation, and he tucks it out of sight. Maybe they would all celebrate occasions to commemorate together, in the Library.
He attempts a smile in turn, at the very least, when Malkuth brightens — never mind that he has no way of knowing whether he feels significantly more inclined to smile in the future, with a human body that possesses facial muscles to put to use for that purpose. Today won't change the past, no, but he can make it his contribution to Malkuth's goal. ]
That seems reasonable.
[ To choose a day that belongs to Malkuth as much as it will acknowledge that Elijah remains a part of her soul. ]
Then it won't go forgotten, this time.
[ yesod attempts a smile and malkuth puffs her cheeks trying not to laugh at it, because it's familiar but not; it'll come more naturally with time, it comes more naturally with muscles to pull, but the act won't be so much an attempt as it is thoughtless.
... hopefully. seeing netzach's dour expression had been disheartening too, empty in a way she hadn't "seen" in a long time. as far as an expression as a robot could manage with only an eye. ]
Thanks. But don't feel like you have to do anything, okay? We're just coworkers... secret as it is.
[ ... just coworkers, if that. regardless, the car they get onto is fairly empty, so malkuth is plopping down into a seat and squinting at yesod thoughtfully before patting the one beside her. if it's struggle for her to comfortably use the rungs, then for him... definitely not. ]
Two stops, then we're off. Oh, [ quieter, whispertown now, ] what name did LILITH give you? Or that you chose, whichever. It's better if we use them while we're outdoors. You can just call me Weiss, or Ellie.
... hopefully. seeing netzach's dour expression had been disheartening too, empty in a way she hadn't "seen" in a long time. as far as an expression as a robot could manage with only an eye. ]
Thanks. But don't feel like you have to do anything, okay? We're just coworkers... secret as it is.
[ ... just coworkers, if that. regardless, the car they get onto is fairly empty, so malkuth is plopping down into a seat and squinting at yesod thoughtfully before patting the one beside her. if it's struggle for her to comfortably use the rungs, then for him... definitely not. ]
Two stops, then we're off. Oh, [ quieter, whispertown now, ] what name did LILITH give you? Or that you chose, whichever. It's better if we use them while we're outdoors. You can just call me Weiss, or Ellie.
[ The attempted smile doesn't last long; the cloaking device translates Yesod's reaction to Malkuth's puffed cheeks into an arched eyebrow. That stays in place only briefly before he regards her with a somber look.
Just coworkers — is that reminder meant for Malkuth herself or for him, intended to assure him that it's unnecessary to adjust his behavior to approximate their future interactions? Would she believe him, in this form, if he were to tell her that he didn't make his comments out of a sense of obligation?
But they accomplish as little as a handful of lost names engraved upon his memory, in the face of the barriers that LILITH has created. He should move on from it. ]
...Gabriel. It was conveniently available for their use, I suppose.
[ Yesod takes a seat beside Malkuth as prompted, stiffly, folding his arms. It wouldn't surprise him, if Netzach was given a recognizable civilian alias as well. ]
Did you choose yours?
[ If so, Ellie must be as deliberate as a chosen birthday. ]
Just coworkers — is that reminder meant for Malkuth herself or for him, intended to assure him that it's unnecessary to adjust his behavior to approximate their future interactions? Would she believe him, in this form, if he were to tell her that he didn't make his comments out of a sense of obligation?
But they accomplish as little as a handful of lost names engraved upon his memory, in the face of the barriers that LILITH has created. He should move on from it. ]
...Gabriel. It was conveniently available for their use, I suppose.
[ Yesod takes a seat beside Malkuth as prompted, stiffly, folding his arms. It wouldn't surprise him, if Netzach was given a recognizable civilian alias as well. ]
Did you choose yours?
[ If so, Ellie must be as deliberate as a chosen birthday. ]
... There's no way I would choose Elijah as a name. It feels like I'm taking something that isn't mine.
[ even if it is, it still isn't -- she wouldn't be surprised if netzach had a familiar citizen name too, convenient as it is for the taking.
hence, yes: the chosen "ellie" instead. ]
Kinda makes me feel like I'm living for two right now, actually.
[ joking as she is, there's a tentative worry beneath it all; isn't she just living the life elijah should have? is this really herself? would there become a time when those memories weren't just something to look back on, but something she'd tell again and again and again as if she owned them herself and her lives began to bleed into one?
...
there's probably nothing at all to worry about, but. it's a thought that comes and goes now and then. ]
[ even if it is, it still isn't -- she wouldn't be surprised if netzach had a familiar citizen name too, convenient as it is for the taking.
hence, yes: the chosen "ellie" instead. ]
Kinda makes me feel like I'm living for two right now, actually.
[ joking as she is, there's a tentative worry beneath it all; isn't she just living the life elijah should have? is this really herself? would there become a time when those memories weren't just something to look back on, but something she'd tell again and again and again as if she owned them herself and her lives began to bleed into one?
...
there's probably nothing at all to worry about, but. it's a thought that comes and goes now and then. ]
[ So LILITH most likely made the same decision for all of them, and Malkuth has tried to find a way to circumvent it. "Ellie" is different enough without erasing Elijah, different enough to let Malkuth maintain her perspective. ]
I can't say that I especially welcome the notion of being addressed as Gabriel, either.
[ That is, these names no longer really theirs provide labels to affix to the past, and there are things that he would prefer to keep ordered according to the corresponding categories. Are there alternatives, however? ]
We may remember our first lives now, but we are not who we were then.
[ Which is for the best, knowing what became of their past selves, and it's disconcerting to lose one means of drawing their own distinction between each set of memories. Yesod shakes his head. ]
In your case, it seems to me that you're living your own life while honoring Elijah's memory.
I can't say that I especially welcome the notion of being addressed as Gabriel, either.
[ That is, these names no longer really theirs provide labels to affix to the past, and there are things that he would prefer to keep ordered according to the corresponding categories. Are there alternatives, however? ]
We may remember our first lives now, but we are not who we were then.
[ Which is for the best, knowing what became of their past selves, and it's disconcerting to lose one means of drawing their own distinction between each set of memories. Yesod shakes his head. ]
In your case, it seems to me that you're living your own life while honoring Elijah's memory.
I'm trying to, anyway. But I've had to use a lot of her memories and past as my own lately, so I feel bad. Especially with those other City guys.
[ the people they have to watch out for... easier to talk about it like it's all one thing than separate instances. netzach can be gio, she's ellie, and... hmm.... a nickname doesn't really suit yesod, though... but calling him gabriel isn't something he wants, and it isn't something she's really comfortable with either... and wings forbid she go back to viper, even if it seems LILITH might've liked that for his username too... besides, he's less like a viper these days and more like a garter or garden snake as far as temperament goes...
she thinks these thoughts as the rungs sway above them, in serious contemplation, as she kicks her feet. ]
... Gio might be the worst case scenario, but at least his name's easy to make something out of... Gabe? Gabby? Riley? I don't really know anyone who's good at nicknames though, so I can't ask them.
[ but by the wings is she trying. ]
[ the people they have to watch out for... easier to talk about it like it's all one thing than separate instances. netzach can be gio, she's ellie, and... hmm.... a nickname doesn't really suit yesod, though... but calling him gabriel isn't something he wants, and it isn't something she's really comfortable with either... and wings forbid she go back to viper, even if it seems LILITH might've liked that for his username too... besides, he's less like a viper these days and more like a garter or garden snake as far as temperament goes...
she thinks these thoughts as the rungs sway above them, in serious contemplation, as she kicks her feet. ]
... Gio might be the worst case scenario, but at least his name's easy to make something out of... Gabe? Gabby? Riley? I don't really know anyone who's good at nicknames though, so I can't ask them.
[ but by the wings is she trying. ]
[ Yes, he has to agree with Malkuth — he doubts that anyone ever shortened Gabriel in the past, and he might be a poor fit for nicknames that aren't the result of his reputation among their employees. That leaves accepting the use of his first incarnation's name as the only option, as strange as it is. Little does he know that March almost called him an eggplant once. ]
Unless I follow March's example, the choices are limited. That said, it's unlikely that others will ask me to discuss myself in detail.
[ March knew of their unique circumstances through Malkuth, but she didn't press for more, and Yesod can't see himself growing so close to others that their conversations would dredge up everything beneath the surface. ]
...Ellie...
[ He tests it out in preparation and to gauge Malkuth's reaction. ]
You've entrusted your friends with the truth, haven't you?
Unless I follow March's example, the choices are limited. That said, it's unlikely that others will ask me to discuss myself in detail.
[ March knew of their unique circumstances through Malkuth, but she didn't press for more, and Yesod can't see himself growing so close to others that their conversations would dredge up everything beneath the surface. ]
...Ellie...
[ He tests it out in preparation and to gauge Malkuth's reaction. ]
You've entrusted your friends with the truth, haven't you?
[ ellie... it's almost so ridiculous to hear yesod call her anything but malkuth that it catches her off guard, laughing a little at herself. oh boy. maybe she should get march to call her that too, so it doesn't sound so strange... though it might always be from him and netzach, if he complies. ]
I have, for... the most part.
[ there's still things she hasn't told them. in greater detail or at all, but there's just-- so much, and they're her new friends, and what if they don't accept it? even though they've made it plain they would hear her out, whether directly saying so or in the way they act, what if...
... she doesn't want to be alone. she hasn't grown that much, really. ]
March doesn't know all of what happened to us, but she knows that we were coworkers together in our first and following lives. I've spoken a bit about the Library to her and another friend of mine -- Kaito, he's trustworthy -- and the bare minimum about our second lives to both. More from my perspective of things than... well, what Abnormalities are and what we sacrificed for them. They know I was someone who killed others easily if they weren't strong enough to be part of my team.
[ there's other off-handed comments she's made here and there about things to others, drunken talks she'll wish she could recall, but. the bulk of her trust lies in two people. ]
They both know about the two of you, too, so feel free to let down your hair around them. Figuratively.
I have, for... the most part.
[ there's still things she hasn't told them. in greater detail or at all, but there's just-- so much, and they're her new friends, and what if they don't accept it? even though they've made it plain they would hear her out, whether directly saying so or in the way they act, what if...
... she doesn't want to be alone. she hasn't grown that much, really. ]
March doesn't know all of what happened to us, but she knows that we were coworkers together in our first and following lives. I've spoken a bit about the Library to her and another friend of mine -- Kaito, he's trustworthy -- and the bare minimum about our second lives to both. More from my perspective of things than... well, what Abnormalities are and what we sacrificed for them. They know I was someone who killed others easily if they weren't strong enough to be part of my team.
[ there's other off-handed comments she's made here and there about things to others, drunken talks she'll wish she could recall, but. the bulk of her trust lies in two people. ]
They both know about the two of you, too, so feel free to let down your hair around them. Figuratively.
[ Yesod feels ridiculous himself — even if "Ellie" suits Malkuth more than "Gabe" or other nicknames to that effect would ever suit him, it sounds unnatural to address each other as anything but the names that they were given as Sephirot. This existence has claimed the foreground. The Library will continue it.
But once again, what choice do they have? Perhaps it will become less jarring with time. Perhaps all of LILITH's decisions will, or remnants of points in time that should already have passed will serve their purpose here and vanish after that. ]
Yes, March had a few questions for me. Consequently, I revealed my current form to her, and I've told her that you and I are both unaware of the details of Netzach's sealed memories after a certain point.
[ Yesod falls silent, reminded of March's concern for them — and her eagerness to capture their past, present, and future with her camera. ]
But once again, what choice do they have? Perhaps it will become less jarring with time. Perhaps all of LILITH's decisions will, or remnants of points in time that should already have passed will serve their purpose here and vanish after that. ]
Yes, March had a few questions for me. Consequently, I revealed my current form to her, and I've told her that you and I are both unaware of the details of Netzach's sealed memories after a certain point.
[ Yesod falls silent, reminded of March's concern for them — and her eagerness to capture their past, present, and future with her camera. ]
[ ...
that's good. she's glad. the words don't come out, too drenched in the relief she feels at both march keeping her word about not saying anything and yesod being able to relax his guard just a bit. maybe she really was worried for nothing-- or maybe she has reason for that worry, and her precaution has done well in dealing with it.
time will tell, she guesses. as she keeps an eye on them from afar. ]
She's a sweet girl, huh? What you see is really what you get.
that's good. she's glad. the words don't come out, too drenched in the relief she feels at both march keeping her word about not saying anything and yesod being able to relax his guard just a bit. maybe she really was worried for nothing-- or maybe she has reason for that worry, and her precaution has done well in dealing with it.
time will tell, she guesses. as she keeps an eye on them from afar. ]
She's a sweet girl, huh? What you see is really what you get.
Indeed, she has been nothing but kind.
[ Yesod's answer comes after a moment's thought, not because he necessarily disagrees with Malkuth's description of March, but because it still strikes him as difficult to believe that March is entirely unperturbed by her amnesia. In other respects, "what you see is really what you get" seems to be an accurate conclusion; March's kindness is sincere. ]
It's good that you were able to confide in her and Kaito.
[ Regardless of how inadvisable he considered it in an environment such as Lobotomy Corporation, the desire to connect with others and alleviate one's loneliness is a normal human wish. Malkuth, for all that her past willingness to conform to that place may have made her the ideal Sephirah in her role, is no exception. ]
[ Yesod's answer comes after a moment's thought, not because he necessarily disagrees with Malkuth's description of March, but because it still strikes him as difficult to believe that March is entirely unperturbed by her amnesia. In other respects, "what you see is really what you get" seems to be an accurate conclusion; March's kindness is sincere. ]
It's good that you were able to confide in her and Kaito.
[ Regardless of how inadvisable he considered it in an environment such as Lobotomy Corporation, the desire to connect with others and alleviate one's loneliness is a normal human wish. Malkuth, for all that her past willingness to conform to that place may have made her the ideal Sephirah in her role, is no exception. ]
They make it easy.
[ though malkuth herself is by far more open now than even when she first met roland, she knows. less formal. she has him to thank for a good bit... one day. maybe.
but the next stop is theirs, so she stands and pulls yesod up by his wrist with little thought just to make sure they don't get separated in the crowd that comes with them. she'll let go outside of the shuttle don't worry. ]
Right! So! We are going to a secondhand store! One man's trash is another man's treasure! Or so I've read. It's right below a record store too... though they're mostly just for display I think, since technology's really blown it out of the water. Oh, and I saw there was a place that sells some pretty glass stuff around there too, we can go by and check it out too. Maybe they'll be offering classes on blowing! Wouldn't that be fun?
[ glass blowing... that could be fun... and dangerous... but fun... what could she make with molten glass... ]
[ though malkuth herself is by far more open now than even when she first met roland, she knows. less formal. she has him to thank for a good bit... one day. maybe.
but the next stop is theirs, so she stands and pulls yesod up by his wrist with little thought just to make sure they don't get separated in the crowd that comes with them. she'll let go outside of the shuttle don't worry. ]
Right! So! We are going to a secondhand store! One man's trash is another man's treasure! Or so I've read. It's right below a record store too... though they're mostly just for display I think, since technology's really blown it out of the water. Oh, and I saw there was a place that sells some pretty glass stuff around there too, we can go by and check it out too. Maybe they'll be offering classes on blowing! Wouldn't that be fun?
[ glass blowing... that could be fun... and dangerous... but fun... what could she make with molten glass... ]
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